BEAUTIFUL DAY

in Oregon, FINALLY! and its my day off, cant say im happy about that though. Its hard getting hours now a days, and now with my new school schedule, I'm sure its going to be a very interesting 2 months and a half. I know its worth it when I'm done and over, I'll have a set job/hours and that'll pay for my school. I know havent been on this for a very long time but I needed to focus on school for a bit. Glad to say I got a 4.0 last term. :) Thank Bob! I'm so proud of myself. Maybe thats why I'm gloating, I knew I could do it, I guess I was just caught up in Hawaii. Life's been good since I moved up here.

I just got back from Hawaii too. It was great seeing all my family & friends. Too bad I was sick throughout the trip but at least I tried my best. (SORRY IF I COULDNT HANG OUT WITH SOME PEOPLE :( ) I'll make it up the next time I go back there. Thats a definite because my boyfriend loved it soooo much. :) Glad that he did, even if it was for a short while. Got to swim with dolphins and drink while shopping since im finally 21! woohoo. I'll post up pictures later.

Its been a long time...

since i felt like this :) we finally said i love you the other night. it took months but it felt right. i cant stop smiling. this guy is amazing and i can only see a future. he's sweet, got a good life ahead of him with school and work, takes good care of me, cooks ;), and waking up next to him is just...*sigh i honestly didnt believe that i could feel this way again, and now that its here, im not going to do anything that'll screw it up. thats my promise. with that said, i got a very unexpected call last night. it was from "him" the guy who broke my heart into a thousand pieces, and well were ok as friends. anyways the subject about going back home came about and it sickens me that he is STILL that guy, he will never learn, and he's got something so good that i really dont know why he's doing this. I've come to my senses and I grew from it, i've done a lot of things that im not proud of but god has blessed me with something special and it may not have worked out with him, but i know it will out with my boyfriend know. i respect my ex. Anyways so I told him that I was in love and there was no way I could do to ruin that. and then after that conversation I was actually the first one to hang up and go back to bed with my love :) (and yes he knows all of this) and woke up and walked/took the bus with me to work. i cant wait to take him back home in hawaii. im sure my family will love him just as much as i do.

im working, and going to school. Hence, the reason why i dont go on here much.

First Christmas

without my family. If I thought thanksgiving wasnt enough, it had to be the time where my uncle went back. I miss hawaii so much and I've been counting down. 3 months and 3 more days. My life's on pause. I already registered and I cant wait to go back to school. I spent thanksgiving with paul :) Food was good, and his families great. Got a hug from mama Sinmany and I was surprised. Days have past and now its almost Christmas. I started snowing just a few days ago. Crazy stuff. Its so pretty. But ugly now that Its too cold to even do anything. Im snowed in for sure. Hard to even get around now so Im stuck. Got done putting up the christmas tree and we even got to pick it out and cut it down ourselves. What would I do without my Hanh :)

I cant get a hold of my feelings anymore. The more I spend time with him the more I create these feelings. Because he honestly has to be the most sweetest guy in the world. Its been forever since I felt like this where you know damn well that I'm the only girl he's with and he cant be any happier. Im use to having them come and go. It just sucks that I had to meet him now. I know it sounds easy to just say were official but I know I'm not ready ready even if it feels right. I always seem to push him away for his own good but I really didnt know its affecting everything around us. I didnt mean to :( and for that reason I think I should make the move. I dont want to, ugh this shit is hard. Cause I pretended for a long time and now its down to it. I'll be occupied with school & work. Im just waiting for the right time...we'll i guess its never the right time now.

Cant have your cake and eat it too

Want to say so much but I'm scared it'll bite me in the ass. I'll eventually do the dirty deed. But its the 5th time, shiiiit. Haha. I need someone to be here, able to tell them something and keep up with my life. I feel like were too busy and I cant have a texting'esqe relationship. Shits gay you know? I've decided I'm about to go into school and is in search of a stabled job within the next month or so. Wish me luck. :) So I just got back from seattle. The food their hands down is effin delicious. But sadly of all things unholy, we had to go through about 2 bars and a comedy show  to finally having my fake i.d. taken away. MY FAKE I.D.! Ok, I dont look a like her but still, it got me far, a good 3 months! and now i have to wait for another 3 months and 2 weeks till I'm official :( sad sad sad. This place aint like Hawaii, where you'd get in to some hot spot even if your not of age. Majority of the bars here are anal and now the only place is my restaurant. sad sad sad. Speaking of the restaurant I put in my two weeks notice. I can't afford to wait for the restaurant to be busy giving me tips. I just hope I get this other job. Sounds perfect. 

Hella Twisted

So I woke up with my inbox filled with lyrics. *sigh. This tops the last song. Ya I was hella gellin the whole time. Can you blame me?

Okay, Now that I've collected myself. Hehe, I've been slowly figuring out how to budget myself out. So hard to live on my own. But I'm getting by. I've got my own place, and my own mind. I'm sure I can make it through.

A And then I got a call from the past. I'm glad I manage to keep it on a strictly friendly conversation. You don't know how hard it was, especially with our past and HIM in general. But he promise to check up every now and then. "that" topic came about but I layed it out. yay me, he'll forever be the same guy and that something I know I cant stay with. // So I just got home from the bar. So much is on my mind. God, when has it not. I want to keep you guys posted, but i barely can keep up with myself. Need to think this through. And not make the same mistakes.

forbidden fruit

What to do? ok lets get this straight, i went in this with great intentions, just that...things happen. Cant blame me right? I could give you reasons. I'm just not good at doing these kind of things. Oh lord, here I go again. "It's not you it's me" shit. You truly do deserve the best, why would you want to be with a girl like me. We were so great just friends, and I believe THATS what I value the most. When all was said and done, I'm glad your still there for me. I'll cherish our times together. You've got to be the most sweetest guy ever and what you text me just had to be it :)

anyways, work is crappy. Damn you for cutting my hours. Out to look for another job. or JOB (S). I might be able to go back home. its down to 400. Now I need to convince my mom I want that for christmas.

Halloween

Ack, I'm so excited. I wanted to fly down back to Hawaii, but I finally picked out my costume. Me, Ariane & Hahneey's ready. I miss my girls so bad, I was trying to pretend it didnt faze me that their down their celebrating my favorite girls birthday but, next year I'm definitely making a trip home. Anyways what can I say to sum up the last time I wrote in this. Ugh, I'm thinking things through. I dont know if I'm rushing myself into things and I know I need to make a decision. Awgh, I make it hard on myself but I guess I over analyze somethings.