Cant have your cake and eat it too

Want to say so much but I'm scared it'll bite me in the ass. I'll eventually do the dirty deed. But its the 5th time, shiiiit. Haha. I need someone to be here, able to tell them something and keep up with my life. I feel like were too busy and I cant have a texting'esqe relationship. Shits gay you know? I've decided I'm about to go into school and is in search of a stabled job within the next month or so. Wish me luck. :) So I just got back from seattle. The food their hands down is effin delicious. But sadly of all things unholy, we had to go through about 2 bars and a comedy show  to finally having my fake i.d. taken away. MY FAKE I.D.! Ok, I dont look a like her but still, it got me far, a good 3 months! and now i have to wait for another 3 months and 2 weeks till I'm official :( sad sad sad. This place aint like Hawaii, where you'd get in to some hot spot even if your not of age. Majority of the bars here are anal and now the only place is my restaurant. sad sad sad. Speaking of the restaurant I put in my two weeks notice. I can't afford to wait for the restaurant to be busy giving me tips. I just hope I get this other job. Sounds perfect. 

Hella Twisted

So I woke up with my inbox filled with lyrics. *sigh. This tops the last song. Ya I was hella gellin the whole time. Can you blame me?

Okay, Now that I've collected myself. Hehe, I've been slowly figuring out how to budget myself out. So hard to live on my own. But I'm getting by. I've got my own place, and my own mind. I'm sure I can make it through.

A And then I got a call from the past. I'm glad I manage to keep it on a strictly friendly conversation. You don't know how hard it was, especially with our past and HIM in general. But he promise to check up every now and then. "that" topic came about but I layed it out. yay me, he'll forever be the same guy and that something I know I cant stay with. // So I just got home from the bar. So much is on my mind. God, when has it not. I want to keep you guys posted, but i barely can keep up with myself. Need to think this through. And not make the same mistakes.

forbidden fruit

What to do? ok lets get this straight, i went in this with great intentions, just that...things happen. Cant blame me right? I could give you reasons. I'm just not good at doing these kind of things. Oh lord, here I go again. "It's not you it's me" shit. You truly do deserve the best, why would you want to be with a girl like me. We were so great just friends, and I believe THATS what I value the most. When all was said and done, I'm glad your still there for me. I'll cherish our times together. You've got to be the most sweetest guy ever and what you text me just had to be it :)

anyways, work is crappy. Damn you for cutting my hours. Out to look for another job. or JOB (S). I might be able to go back home. its down to 400. Now I need to convince my mom I want that for christmas.